You are the only one that can change the situation and to do that you must take control of your emotions. There will be a price to pay in order to gain control of %26quot;your%26quot; life and you may not at this time be prepared to pay the price. Notice I said %26quot;your%26quot; life not %26quot;their%26quot; life.
You stated you have all engaged in conversation and attempted to address the issues with no results. Obviously they are not interested in change because they are in control of their life and your life. You have allowed them to make you a prisoner in your own home. You have turned over control of your life to them.
One of the respondents wanted you to believe this is a typical and acceptable way for families to live. If they choose to exist in that kind of enviornment let them, but you do not have to. They went on to say that in crisis familes come together. How sad they are willing to live in hell until a crisis comes along for a few days or weeks of coming together. They need help more than you.
Another suggested you join clubs and stay away. Basically they are telling you to run from your problem, leave your home and seek refuge some place else, become even more of a prisoner to them and give them more control of your life.
It seems your husband does not love you enough to make a choice between you or them. If you are in the right it should be easy for him to make a choice to support you in this matter unless you are no more than housekeeper, sex partner and cook for him. One of the prices you may not be willing to pay is to walk away from him if he refuses to resolve this matter. You have allowed him to straddle the fence long enough.
You need to set the ground rules and one of those ground rules initially should be they do not come to your home unless invited. Once again only you can enforce that rule.
The next thing you should do is immediately put your home on the market and move. Regardless if the relationship is good or bad living across the street from children is not healthy. It is only natural for children to take advantage of parents and parents wanting to be too involved in their childrens lives when living across the street or next door.
Sit down an make a list of rules. Give much thought to this list and do not be petty. Before you present the list to the children allow your husband to look it over and enter into constructive debate with him about the list. When the two of you can come to an agreement present the list with him present to the children and make it clear that unless these rules are obeyed they cannot come to the house.
It is human nature to take advantage of the weakest links and at the moment it appears you are the weakest link. I watched as my Mother was taken advantage of by my two sisters until she died at 87 years of age. She chose to be their prisoner because she did not think herself strong enough to pay the price to break the chains. The last eighteen years of her life were her happiest because I got her far enough away where they could only see her once or twice a year, but still they harrassed her via telephone. I never had that problem because when my Father died at 14 I broke those chains and did not allow them to control me ever again. To this day they have more respect for me than they do their husbands or even their children. Their children ask me how is it they do not treat me as they do others. The answer is simple I love myself too much to become anyones prisoner. Respect should be earned, but as a general rule people do not respect people who do not demand respect.How can I change my attitude about extended family I dislike?You are so right ( Tom 1941)- it really comes down to self preservation. You really gave me a different perspective on this situation - I no longer feel guilty. However you have also inspired me to fight for my sanity. I worked very hard for my home - she will be the one to move
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How can I change my attitude about extended family I dislike?Try these steps. (p.s. The first one is already taken.)1. Take ownership of the your feelings involved in this. Admit that you are responsible for the feelings you have, whether they are positive or negative.
2. Try to pinpoint exactly which specific reasons cause you to dislike a person. Once you understand the character traits that cause you dismay, perhaps you can try to understand what this means to the person you hate. Do they behave this way out of spite? or necessity? (Unfortunately, some people are not taught the same diplomacy skills in the formative years, and only know how to get what they want by more destructive means).
3. Accept them for who they are and simply set the limits on this acceptance. You definitely cannot change this person, no matter how much we wish we could; you can, however, change your attitude ABOUT their attitude(s). Try to laugh it off, or make a joke about their behaviors when it would otherwise become uncomfortable. (Use this at your own risk).
4. Grow beyond being affected so negatively by this and move on. Give them what they're due and do not expect to bond or relate anymore than they are willing to. Recognize these boundaries, respect them, and set your own while at this.
Hope this helps.How can I change my attitude about extended family I dislike?Your fam is just regular people, this is how most people are, they're FAKE. Join a spiritual group or a fun group and spend most of your time with them, but in the time of crises, your family will stick together. A crisis seems to make people smarter.How can I change my attitude about extended family I dislike?You must practice ACCEPTANCE. Some things you can change, and others there is nothing you are able to do.Control the things you can, and let go of those you can't. Take control of your own mind, drop %26quot; what if... %26quot; and ask %26quot; what is?%26quot;
That's the way it is, so ACCEPT it, and get on with YOU. Enjoy YOU, and take yourself to the next level of happiness.How can I change my attitude about extended family I dislike?most Americans shoot first.and feel after.maby just print up an insurance policy with them as the benefactors and frisk them for payments every time they lean on you.How can I change my attitude about extended family I dislike?Avoid them as much as possible and do what makes you happy . Forget about it . Put what bothers you to rest and get past it . Live in the now ; and go forward . Enjoy each moment that is . Not the bad ones that were .
Read %26quot; The Power of Now %26quot; ( book or CD-set ) , by Eckhart Tolle .
